1 00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:10,867 Life--it's literally all we have. 2 00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:11,897 But is it any good? 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,270 I'm a reviewer, 4 00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:15,067 but I don't review food, 5 00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:16,097 books, or movies. 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,000 I review life itself. 7 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600 [screams] 8 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,530 [triumphant music] 9 00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:22,433 [parrot squawks] 10 00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:26,803 * 11 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:28,030 Over here. 12 00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:32,233 * 13 00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,103 Hello, and welcome to Review. 14 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,200 I'm Forrest MacNeil, still reviewing life experiences 15 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:42,400 despite having a real rough go of it lately. 16 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,500 In case you missed it, a viewer 17 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,700 recently asked me to kill someone, and... 18 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,170 now, a man is dead. 19 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:50,467 (A.J.) But look on the bright side. 20 00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:51,297 You're not going to jail for murder. 21 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,400 Well, 22 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,530 I wish that were a bright side that I could look on, 23 00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:59,773 but I--I actually--I may be going to jail for murder. 24 00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:02,797 Right now, I'm just out on bail, awaiting trial, so... 25 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:03,970 Well, okay. 26 00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,527 But look on another bright side. 27 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:10,903 Being out on bail means you get to do more reviews. 28 00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:12,367 Oh, yeah. 29 00:01:12,467 --> 00:01:16,697 Our next review comes from Nicole in Mansfield, Ohio. 30 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,230 "My neighbor made herself an outfit from a trash can 31 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:21,073 "and mumbles about the CIA all the time. 32 00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:24,270 "She seems really happy, but it's hard to tell for sure. 33 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:27,627 What's it like to believe in a conspiracy theory?" 34 00:01:27,733 --> 00:01:29,133 Okay. 35 00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:34,073 What's it like to believe in a conspiracy theory? 36 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,630 All right. 37 00:01:35,733 --> 00:01:37,773 (Forrest voice-over) My first step was to attend a lecture 38 00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:40,327 by a controversial author. 39 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,933 I was clearly entering a world of fear, obsession, 40 00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:45,327 and probably madness. 41 00:01:45,433 --> 00:01:47,633 (man) Airplane mode is a joke. 42 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,433 It is a dangerous time 43 00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:54,203 because the Illuminati is coming up with various methods 44 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:58,200 to bring about the Fourth Reich. 45 00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,470 Controlling the weather, 46 00:01:59,567 --> 00:02:04,367 detonating underwater nukes to cause tsunamis. 47 00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:07,267 (Forrest voice-over) Listening to this man ascribe all the word's tragedies 48 00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:09,527 to a shadowy underground network, 49 00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:13,573 I began to grasp the appeal of believing in conspiracies. 50 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,267 Perhaps it would be nice to think that life's misfortunes 51 00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:17,067 aren't simply random, 52 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:18,730 but are instead the work 53 00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:21,603 of a villain who can be smoked out and defeated. 54 00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:28,230 Which brings us to the Interdimensional Bigfoot. 55 00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:29,373 (Forrest) I understand better than anyone 56 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:32,897 that the randomness of life can be scary. 57 00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:34,427 Thanks to this television show, 58 00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:37,733 my entire existence is given over to random chance. 59 00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:40,173 Gina, from Toluca Lake has a question. 60 00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:41,267 What would it be like to kill a person? 61 00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:43,467 What's it like to be a cult leader? 62 00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:45,727 What's it like to be kicked in the balls? 63 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,373 And when you really think about it, 64 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,927 things haven't always gone so well. 65 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,097 [gunfire] Ah! 66 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,230 I am infested with sea lice! 67 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:56,103 [screaming] 68 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,300 [gagging] 69 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,700 I'm having a heart attack, you guys. 70 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,400 Ow! [screaming] 71 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,800 Maybe it would feel better to believe 72 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:05,670 that the difficult experiences I've had on this show 73 00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:09,527 were not the product of pure blind, random chance. 74 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:10,873 Is there any reason to think that something else 75 00:03:10,967 --> 00:03:13,067 might be going on? 76 00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:18,233 Well, let's find out. 77 00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:20,073 Mm-hmm. 78 00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,097 Wow. 79 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,630 Yeah. 80 00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:30,673 That's a lot of dangerous reviews, isn't it? 81 00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:32,267 Look at how many times I've almost died. 82 00:03:32,367 --> 00:03:35,597 I mean, that's really surprising to me. 83 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:36,570 It's 11 times. 84 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:37,597 I've almost died 11 times? 85 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,270 Oh, my God. It's so many. 86 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,397 No, that's a lot of times. 87 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,170 That's a lot of times to almost die. 88 00:03:42,267 --> 00:03:43,127 I'm looking at this, 89 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,403 and I'm thinking to myself, 90 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,330 "When you consider all the dangerous things 91 00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:50,073 that I've been asked to do... 92 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,070 How can that be random?" 93 00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:58,503 [suspenseful music] 94 00:03:58,600 --> 00:03:59,730 Can that really be random? 95 00:03:59,833 --> 00:04:01,603 Maybe somebody's trying to kill you. 96 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,530 (Forrest voice-over) The suggestion was ridiculous and silly. 97 00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,073 - No, but... - And yet... 98 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,070 What is going on? I mean that's an incredible list. 99 00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:11,727 [Tina sighs] 100 00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:13,833 (Josh) I mean, like, maybe it's just, 101 00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:16,433 like, cool stuff. 102 00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,833 Oh, somebody definitely wants to kill you. 103 00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:21,103 That's a bummer. 104 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,200 - Have a good one. - We'll miss you. 105 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:22,800 - Yeah. - Don't do anything dangerous. 106 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,600 [chuckles] 107 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,667 Good night. 108 00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:40,527 I'm gonna go too. Good night, Forrest. 109 00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:45,533 My producer, Grant, oversees every aspect of this show, 110 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:48,073 and he has assured me that the Review selection process 111 00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:49,297 is totally random, 112 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,830 but I'm starting to wonder about that now. 113 00:04:52,933 --> 00:04:54,503 [suspenseful music] 114 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,970 What if Grant has chosen all of the assignments 115 00:04:57,067 --> 00:05:00,227 that have hurt me so much? 116 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,433 I need to know if that's true. 117 00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,603 [jiggling doorknob] 118 00:05:08,233 --> 00:05:08,873 [grunts] 119 00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:12,097 [crash] 120 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,370 Come on. 121 00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:17,927 * 122 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,327 Well, you certainly learn a lot about a person 123 00:05:20,433 --> 00:05:22,273 when you ransack their office. 124 00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:25,367 Grant takes three different kinds of fish oil supplement. 125 00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:28,097 Seems like an awful lot of fish oil. 126 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,430 He also subscribes to a magazine here that seems to be nothing 127 00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:33,103 but photos of antiquated medical equipment. 128 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,730 I think that's real weird, 129 00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,373 but this is what really interests me. 130 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,397 This is called the "Submissions Master List." 131 00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,800 Now, this is a list of hundreds 132 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,430 of Review topics that have been sent in to the show. 133 00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:45,403 "What's it like to fall in love with a snowman?" 134 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:46,800 "What's it like to name a dolphin?" 135 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:51,330 Now, every single one that I have done is circled here. 136 00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:52,703 I believe this is the document 137 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,070 from which Grant chose all of the reviews that I have done. 138 00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:58,797 This is the smoking gun. 139 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,570 (Forrest voice-over) But the more time I spent looking into Review, 140 00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:04,127 the more questions I had. 141 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,973 Okay. Here's the problem. 142 00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:07,597 Grant choosing all the reviews does not explain 143 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,270 all the terrible things that have happened to me. 144 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,667 Look at this. 145 00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:12,897 "What's it like to spend a night at a haunted house?" 146 00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:16,067 That got me stabbed in the belly by an old lady. 147 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,170 [screaming] 148 00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:20,267 Why did that happen? 149 00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:21,797 Or this, here. 150 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:23,670 "What's it like to spend an afternoon on a rowboat?" 151 00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:25,927 Like, that should've been a delightful experience, 152 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:26,667 but I fell asleep, 153 00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:28,097 and my oars disappeared. 154 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,130 Where are the oars? 155 00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:32,403 So either I am the unluckiest person 156 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:33,930 in the world, 157 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:38,567 or Grant is not just choosing these reviews. 158 00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:42,067 What if he's orchestrating everything? 159 00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,197 And I got another problem. 160 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,300 When I was buried alive here for 24 hours, 161 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,370 I almost died because Josh and Tina 162 00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:49,727 forgot where they buried me. 163 00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:52,103 How do you forget where you buried a living man? 164 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,400 I got to get out of here! 165 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,930 They're in on it. 166 00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,227 And so is Lucille. 167 00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:02,073 Jesus [bleep] Christ. 168 00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:03,567 Holy [bleep]. 169 00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:06,597 Jesus [bleep]. 170 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,230 Jesus [bleep] Christ! 171 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,703 It's a conspiracy. 172 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,073 Hi. I need a room. 173 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:17,727 I need a quiet room in the back, okay? 174 00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:21,073 Hey, if anybody calls, I'm not here, you understand? 175 00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:22,827 (Forrest voice-over) I could no longer sleep in my office 176 00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,473 as there was glass everywhere, 177 00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:26,067 and I believed my coworkers 178 00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:29,267 were conspiring to kill me on national television, 179 00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,797 so I holed up in a remote roadside motel 180 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,700 to carefully think things through 181 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,570 over a period of several days and nights. 182 00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:39,927 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, [bleep]. 183 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,067 Oh, [bleep]. Oh, [bleep]. 184 00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:45,173 There. See that? See, the fire extinguisher 185 00:07:45,267 --> 00:07:46,897 was just out of my reach, just past where I could reach it, 186 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,867 and then the house burned down because of that. 187 00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:51,897 Was Grant able to see me as a little person and figure 188 00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:53,197 out how high I could reach and then go to my dad's house 189 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,370 and say, "Okay, I'll put the fire extinguisher right here 190 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,297 "so his little hands 191 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,830 can only reach that high and not reach it"? 192 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:00,727 And this is me. 193 00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:02,073 I'm sadder than that. 194 00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:05,297 What kind of a monster would make my dad homeless 195 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,300 for a television show? That son of a bitch. 196 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,070 (Forrest voice-over) Grant was obviously behind everything. 197 00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:15,767 Every bad thing that happened was him. 198 00:08:15,867 --> 00:08:16,967 Of course, of course. 199 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:18,767 (woman) Forrest, I've often wondered. 200 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:21,097 What would it be like to kill a person? 201 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,100 My question is what would it be like to kill a person? 202 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,530 [click] To kill a person. 203 00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:28,433 (Forrest voice-over) The truth I now knew was so huge, 204 00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:30,103 I could not bear it alone. 205 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,430 I would need to visit my ex-wife, Suzanne, 206 00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:32,573 at her mother's house. 207 00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:35,167 I would need to get help. 208 00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,927 I haven't been to the bathroom in 14 hours. 209 00:08:38,067 --> 00:08:40,167 Don't let anybody in the door. 210 00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:41,497 - Forrest, go away! - Okay. 211 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,070 I just--I have something that I need to explain to you 212 00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:47,073 that's gonna change absolutely everything, okay? Just please. 213 00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:52,927 Please, this is the last thing I will ever ask of you. 214 00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,497 - What is all this? - This is all gonna 215 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,970 help you understand what's happening, okay? 216 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:58,167 - Great. Come on in. - All right. There's a lot 217 00:08:58,267 --> 00:08:59,897 to walk you through here, and all of it is important, 218 00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,427 and it's hard to know where to start. 219 00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,373 The first clue that I had that something was wrong was this. 220 00:09:03,467 --> 00:09:05,067 This is a list of every single review 221 00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:06,573 that has ever been sent in to the show, 222 00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,567 and all of the ones that I've done are circled. 223 00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:10,067 Do you know who circled them? 224 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:10,873 - Grant? - Yes, exactly. 225 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,097 He told me it was all random. 226 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,270 Keep your voice down, please. 227 00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:15,867 You're gonna wake up Eric and my mom. 228 00:09:15,967 --> 00:09:18,327 (Forrest voice-over) I laid out all of my evidence to Suzanne. 229 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,433 All the pain. 230 00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:21,073 My review of having a perfect body, okay? 231 00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,327 Oh, [bleep]. What is this? 232 00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:23,933 And my penis has never been the same since then. 233 00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:25,297 No. [bleep]. Is it still like that? 234 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,100 I had the thing taken out, but it's still weird. 235 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,070 It's like there's too much skin now 'cause the implant came out. 236 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,670 Let me just show it to you so you have a sense of-- 237 00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:32,597 Move on! I don't want to see it. 238 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,970 Fine. All right. Fine, fine, fine. 239 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,067 I don't think that that was any normal magic eight ball. 240 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,930 I think Grant was controlling it. 241 00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:38,767 - Okay. - Why did a pillow fight 242 00:09:38,867 --> 00:09:40,367 have to become so violent? 243 00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:42,367 And it turned into a [bleep] bloodbath. 244 00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:45,267 This was supposed to be a show about life, okay? 245 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:48,867 Grant turned it into a show about death. My death. 246 00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:50,367 That's what's happening here. 247 00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:52,897 And so I'm gonna tell him I have figured it out. 248 00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:53,967 This is not what I signed on for, and I am out of here, 249 00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,927 and I'm going back to my wife and my kid, 250 00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:57,967 and I'm going back to my old life. 251 00:09:58,067 --> 00:09:59,827 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Forrest, 252 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:00,967 I think it's really simple. 253 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:04,467 You signed on to an insane television show, 254 00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:07,667 and then you constantly put that show above your needs 255 00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:09,967 and the people that you love. 256 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:13,327 I'm just not seeing this evil plan. 257 00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:17,333 The only person that you need to be afraid of is yourself. 258 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,173 Oh. [scoffs] 259 00:10:19,267 --> 00:10:22,527 I'm gonna prove I'm right, and then I'll be back! 260 00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:26,373 (Forrest voice-over) If I was going to convince Suzanne of my conspiracy theory, 261 00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:27,967 there was one more thing I needed to know. 262 00:10:28,067 --> 00:10:31,927 Why? Why was Grant trying to destroy me? 263 00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:34,903 What had I ever done to him? 264 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,600 This question plunged me deeper into the darkness 265 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:42,070 where I made a shocking and upsetting discovery. 266 00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:47,867 I've been doing some research here on HTML, ww.google.com. 267 00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,327 There's no trace of Grant anywhere on the internet 268 00:10:49,433 --> 00:10:51,573 prior to 1995. 269 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:52,627 It's like he does not exist. 270 00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:55,433 Now, 1995 happens to be the same year 271 00:10:55,533 --> 00:10:57,673 that this woman supposedly married a Chinese guy 272 00:10:57,767 --> 00:11:00,627 and disappeared to Hong Kong. 273 00:11:00,733 --> 00:11:03,603 This is Gretchen Edelberg, and she had a really big crush 274 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:04,930 on Suzanne when we were all in college together. 275 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:06,867 You see where I'm going with this? 276 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,867 Gretchen, okay, Grant. 277 00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:10,567 Gretchen, Grant. 278 00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:13,727 Gruh, Gruh, Gruh. 279 00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:16,873 She didn't move to Hong Kong. 280 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,267 She got a sex change. 281 00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,927 He loves Suzanne so much, after all this time, 282 00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,927 that he's gone completely crazy. 283 00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:25,197 Get out of here, you son of a bitch! 284 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,070 (Forrest voice-over) Now that everything finally made sense, 285 00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,927 it was time to confront the monster in his lair. 286 00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,327 Of course he's not gonna open that gate 287 00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,203 because he knows that I know the truth, 288 00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,430 and he's too much of a [bleep] coward. 289 00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:37,603 Hey, you're too much of a [bleep] coward 290 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:40,630 to look me in the eye-- oh, [bleep, bleep]! 291 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,073 Oh, God. All right. 292 00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,867 Come on. Let's go. 293 00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:45,867 - You [bleep] monster. - Forrest. 294 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:46,797 I know everything now. [bleep]. 295 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,900 - What a nice surprise. - No. 296 00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:51,527 - The guy's will bring it in. - Ah, [bleep]. 297 00:11:51,633 --> 00:11:53,273 I've figured it all out, and I'm quitting the show! 298 00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:55,227 Again? 299 00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:56,073 Everything you've tried to hide from me 300 00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,070 is out in the open now. 301 00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:01,497 You've ruined my life for the last time, Gretchen. 302 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,530 You bitch. 303 00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:05,073 This should be good. 304 00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:10,527 (Forrest voice-over) I wasted no time 305 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,733 unleashing the full weight of all my damning evidence. 306 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,373 Feel the walls of deception 307 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,927 that you've built up around yourself crumbling. 308 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,527 You're at your producer's house. I'm Grant. 309 00:12:18,633 --> 00:12:20,873 - You remember who I am, right? - [laughing] Oh, yeah. 310 00:12:20,967 --> 00:12:22,067 (Forrest voice-over) I forced Grant 311 00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:24,173 to come face-to-face with what I now knew. 312 00:12:24,267 --> 00:12:26,167 The submissions master list. 313 00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:30,127 I've seen how all the reviews I've done are circled. 314 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:32,133 Okay. This is a list I went through last week 315 00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:36,533 of all the reviews that we've done already, 316 00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:37,273 and I circled them. 317 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:39,697 No. 318 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,270 So I could tell the IT guys 319 00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,327 to avoid any duplicates because that time 320 00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:44,433 that murder came up again, 321 00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:48,733 I felt like we'd let you down. 322 00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:50,273 Liar. 323 00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:52,797 Are you telling me this wasn't one of your paid assassins? 324 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,070 Are you serious? 325 00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,130 - How about that? - Nope. 326 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:55,573 That one of your paid assassins? 327 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,627 No. 328 00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:58,703 'Cause I know you did this. 329 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,430 What is this a drawing of? 330 00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:03,203 (Forrest voice-over) Grant demonstrated incredible cool under pressure, 331 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,300 offering sensible sounding explanations for everything, 332 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,470 but I saved my most explosive accusation for last. 333 00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:10,897 There's one more picture I want to show you. 334 00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:12,897 - Oh, great. - This is the one 335 00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:14,497 you really don't want to see. 336 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,800 - Oh, I want to see it. - Because it's an old picture. 337 00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:18,970 It's an old picture... 338 00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:19,467 Let's see it. 339 00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,827 Of you. 340 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:23,403 You were so pretty. 341 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:26,430 - Now, who is this? - Ooh, you're good. 342 00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:28,403 Was I cropped out of this picture? 343 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,270 You're Gretchen, and you turned yourself into Grant. 344 00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:35,067 You went from this to this to this. 345 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,470 (Forrest voice-over) Finally, the sheer weight of my evidence wore Grant down. 346 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,067 Okay, fine. 347 00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,267 I'm gonna tell you exactly what's going on. 348 00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,067 No more hiding anything. 349 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:48,070 Now, have a seat. It's my turn to talk. 350 00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:50,533 (Forrest voice-over) What he said next completely blew my mind. 351 00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:57,233 People are constantly asking you to review dangerous things 352 00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:01,233 because they already know what the easy stuff is like. 353 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,503 They can do that themselves. 354 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,670 Living on the edge like this, things will go wrong. 355 00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:08,427 People will get hurt, and that is part 356 00:14:08,533 --> 00:14:12,803 of what we need you to help us understand about life. 357 00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,330 I need you! 358 00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:17,633 Why would I want you dead? 359 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:21,173 You know what? 360 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:24,267 Besides all that, I like you, 361 00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:26,167 and I know I don't always show it, 362 00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:29,397 but the fact is I consider you a friend. 363 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,430 (Forrest voice-over) By the time Grant put the final nail 364 00:14:31,533 --> 00:14:33,433 in the coffin of my conspiracy theory 365 00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:36,603 by showing me a photo of himself growing up as a boy 366 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:41,070 in the delightfully named town of Sandwich, Massachusetts, 367 00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,970 it was not necessary. 368 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:43,897 Sandwich, Massachusetts. 369 00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,867 That's what they called it. 370 00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,897 You were always a boy? 371 00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:50,297 [sobbing] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 372 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,100 - I'm really sorry. - It's gonna be all right. 373 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,470 - What are you doing? - It's okay. 374 00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:56,797 I'm just trying to hug you. 375 00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,630 Come here. Come here. 376 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:00,833 I'm sorry. 377 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,103 There we go. 378 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,270 There we go. 379 00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:08,227 (Forrest voice-over) Letting go of my conspiracy theory was bittersweet. 380 00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:09,833 It's always nice to hear that you're not the target 381 00:15:09,933 --> 00:15:12,073 of a murder plot, 382 00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:15,597 but I no longer had an easy explanation for my miseries. 383 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,830 As long as I do this important work, 384 00:15:17,933 --> 00:15:18,903 I will suffer, 385 00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:22,497 and my old life will remain in the past. 386 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,600 But great men have always made sacrifices, 387 00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:29,070 and I know that I, with the help of my treasured viewers 388 00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,297 and making the world a better place, 389 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,670 one review at a time. 390 00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:40,767 People do sometimes conspire and sometimes with bad intent, 391 00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:44,227 but to accuse anyone of that on flimsy, outrageous, 392 00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:48,133 or bizarre evidence is an act of great cruelty. 393 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:53,073 So I would like to apologize to my producer and best friend, 394 00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:54,197 Grant. 395 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,730 I give believing in a conspiracy theory 396 00:15:56,833 --> 00:16:01,203 half a star. 397 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,270 A.J., do we have time for one more review? 398 00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:05,767 - Yes. - And what is that? 399 00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:09,467 This one comes from Miles in Sandwich, Massachusetts. 400 00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:11,067 - Really? - Uh-huh. 401 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:12,197 - Huh. - Hey, Forrest, 402 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:17,230 what's it like to be hunted? 403 00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:19,733 What's it like to be... hunted? 404 00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:22,403 Yeah. 405 00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:33,227 What's it like to, uh... 406 00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:34,973 what's it like to be hunted? 407 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,567 I know it's possible I'm just having some residual paranoia 408 00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,127 from my conspiracy theory experience, 409 00:16:45,233 --> 00:16:46,203 but what is it like to be hunted? 410 00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,500 And the person asking this question 411 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,830 is from Grant's hometown. 412 00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:52,233 Lucille, what is the population of Sandwich, 413 00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:53,633 Massachusetts, please? 414 00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:55,273 You probably shouldn't be here, 415 00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:59,297 'cause your hunter knows where you work. 416 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,700 What hunter? 417 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,170 Grant asked me to hire a former Navy seal to hunt you. 418 00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:08,467 What? Why? What do you mean? 419 00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:10,067 You never do anything like that without me 420 00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:11,667 specifically asking you to please do something like that. 421 00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,067 - What is going on right now? - Grant thought it would be best 422 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,530 if I hired him so you 423 00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:19,233 wouldn't know what he looked like or anything about him. 424 00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:19,873 Hey, Mr. MacNeil, do you want us to help you 425 00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:20,927 hide or something? 426 00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:22,897 Or if he gets you, 427 00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,827 do you want us to bury you in that same spot? 428 00:17:24,933 --> 00:17:27,773 And follow-up question: do you remember where that was? 429 00:17:27,867 --> 00:17:30,067 Oh, my God. 430 00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,570 It's all true. 431 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:35,067 You goddamn bunch of jackals are really trying to kill me. 432 00:17:35,133 --> 00:17:36,403 Well, listen to me. 433 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,600 I survived on garbage in the middle of the ocean. 434 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,230 I scratched my way out of the grave. 435 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,573 You think you can kill me? 436 00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:43,067 Nothing can kill me! 437 00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:45,197 - I'm not afraid of anything! - Oh, my God. There he is! 438 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,430 Aah! [laughter] 439 00:17:48,533 --> 00:17:50,903 You [bleep] monsters! 440 00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:52,767 I've got to get out of this hell you made for me. 441 00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:55,167 I'm gonna do it [bleep] right now! 442 00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:57,397 Those are my keys. 443 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,670 [suspenseful music] 444 00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:08,497 * 445 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,267 Suzanne, I know now for sure. 446 00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:15,667 The show is definitely trying to kill me, 447 00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:17,867 and I'm leaving it for real, for good, 448 00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:18,897 and I'm coming to get you, okay? 449 00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:20,967 I will explain it when I get there. 450 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:25,067 Hey, no! No! No! 451 00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:33,073 * 452 00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:39,433 Okay. Are we rolling? 453 00:18:39,533 --> 00:18:41,173 'Cause there he is. There he is. 454 00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:42,467 That's Forrest in the car 455 00:18:42,567 --> 00:18:44,597 that he stole from his executive assistant, 456 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,400 Lucille, 457 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,070 and he's now approaching a cameraman 458 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,427 who I positioned there in the road, 459 00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:51,433 and hopefully, the cameraman won't frighten him. 460 00:18:51,533 --> 00:18:52,633 He's maintaining his pace, 461 00:18:52,733 --> 00:18:56,673 and he didn't frighten him, so we're good. 462 00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:58,297 Okay. I have positioned myself here 463 00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,570 because I figured this would be 464 00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:02,327 the likeliest route to Suzanne's mother's house. 465 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,773 Forrest had a little crisis of faith. 466 00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:07,427 He--he ran away from the show yet again, 467 00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:10,803 and hopefully, I'll be able to talk him down, 468 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,170 and let's see if we can work this out. 469 00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:14,367 We usually do. Hi, buddy. 470 00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,527 Get out of the road, Gretchen, or I swear, I will mow you down! 471 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:17,903 [laughs] Gretchen. Okay. Calm down. 472 00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,097 Let's talk about this. 473 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,630 No. Just move your [bleep] car. I'm out of here. 474 00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:22,573 That's it. No more of this! I'm out of here for good! 475 00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:23,467 Let's calm down. Just take a breath. 476 00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,367 "What is it like to be hunted?" 477 00:19:25,467 --> 00:19:26,427 Oh, come on. It's a random system. 478 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,903 Oh, bull[bleep]. 479 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,297 You hired somebody to hunt me down! 480 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,570 I think you might be wrong about the details. 481 00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:34,297 Really? Sandwich, Massachusetts, huh? 482 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,670 Sandwich, Massachusetts. 483 00:19:35,767 --> 00:19:37,497 - Explain that. - That is a coincidence. 484 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,930 - I haven't been there in years. - Oh, really? 485 00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:40,667 I don't know anybody from there anymore, 486 00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:41,797 and no one is trying to kill you. 487 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,830 Just another coincidence. You got to think 488 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,073 I'm the stupidest [bleep] person in the world! 489 00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,333 - I think you're brilliant! - Oh, really? 490 00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:49,133 - Forrest MacNeil! - Oh, my God. 491 00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:51,833 Oh, my God! Oh, [bleep]! 492 00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,303 Oh! 493 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,500 If I'm gonna die, you're gonna die too! 494 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,070 - It's a blowgun! - It's a what? 495 00:19:58,167 --> 00:19:59,067 [gun clacks] 496 00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,333 - [screaming] - Oh, no! 497 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,703 - [bleep] [bleep] - Oh, my God. 498 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,330 (man) Oh, no. [bleep] 499 00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:12,603 - Oh, [bleep]. - [bleep] 500 00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:27,197 And so it seems that another season of Review 501 00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,730 must end with me, A.J. Gibbs, 502 00:20:29,833 --> 00:20:33,803 giving you the sad news that Forrest MacNeil has vanished, 503 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:39,600 and this time, with our beloved producer, Grant Grunderschmidt. 504 00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:41,000 I don't like to be sad, 505 00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,830 so I like to think they're floating down that river, 506 00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:46,473 settling their differences with one another. 507 00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:48,067 And if I'm right about that, 508 00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:51,127 I'm pretty sure Forrest would give being hunted 509 00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:55,703 six stars. 510 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,430 That's all the time we have. 511 00:20:57,533 --> 00:20:59,373 This is A.J. Gibbs saying, 512 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,067 "Life, you're already living it. 513 00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,270 Ain't it great?" 514 00:21:03,367 --> 00:21:05,097 So long. 515 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:13,500 (man) Extra cheese. 516 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,800 This is a list of hundreds 517 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,170 of review topics that have been sent in to the show. 518 00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:17,567 "What's it like to shake hands with an old person?" 519 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,567 "What's it like to see an elephant?" 520 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,297 "What's it like to shop for bathing suits?" 521 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,600 "What's it like to join a club?" 522 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,100 "What's it like to have a yellow house?" 523 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,730 "What's it like to sing all day?" 524 00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:26,873 "What's it like to wear someone else's pants?"